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Living in a hardened and grossly insecure world driven by an ambitious competitive generation, with social media giving people an inflated sense of self can make it a challenge to live securely in our own skin as women. And as such, it might heighten that critical inner voice along a continuum if not careful. But when deceptive words are proclaimed to us at high volume, as illogical as they may be, they could be convincing and begin to compromise our own security.
As a person who grew up with relatives who never had something positive to say to me, I can assure you it wasn’t always easy to feel very secure in my own skin. Thankfully, kind and loving mentors in my mid-teens relentlessly pointed out my positive qualities and helped me create a new mental pattern about myself. Without their unrelenting compassionate guidance, I probably would have been a very different person today. Though at times, I still might get thrown for amomentaryloop when confronted with insecure individuals trying to knock me down, over the years, having worked on not letting the echoes of someone else’s words define my character, has armed me with the ability now to see right past negative comments – peering behind their words – viewing them as just thoughtless, which issatisfying.
True,feelings of insecurity are simply part of being imperfect humans and may never disappear completely, but there are ways to fight it and win! In this post, I’d like to share at least 5 of them.
1. Discern the difference between the truth and a lie.Be sure of who you are at the core. Knowing your good qualities will help you not take any negative, untrue comments thrown your way personally. And if you don’t know your good qualities, it’s time to start compiling a collection of anything positive anyone has ever said, or written to you. I have every positive card and letter from good’ol friends in a box that I can refer to anytime on the days I feel I need reminders. One of the things I did recently as I was filling out a questionnaire, was to ask three good friends to list my qualities. So ask your friends.
2. Offset the addiction to listen.Think of the skill that’s required to drive on a busy highway. Unexpectedly, a situation may arise that makes it necessary for you to change lanes, yield, or come to a complete stop. If you’re alert and safety conscious, you see what’s ahead and react accordingly. It’s similar with disparaging remarks. When that happens, skillfully change lanes, as it were. Replace and dismiss the negative words said with YOUR positive qualities and move away from the individual.
3. Be Yourself. Don’t allow someone else’s thoughts about you control how you view yourself. They don’t live in your head and body. Instead, get comfortable in your own skin by learning who you are and what makes you unique, because every single person on this planet is different and possesses their own gift. Accept your own individualized unique gift and use it to benefit others and the world you live in.
4. Avoid the Snare of Jealousy. After all, what usually prompts someone else to say negative things to you and treat you bad – most often comes from their own insecurity. Knowing the negative effect that it has, should make you avoid the insidious quality of jealousy at all cost, as it breeds you guessed it – insecurity. Instead, learn to “rejoice for others success” and be genuinely happy for their accomplishments and watch how much of a happier person you’ll become. Believe me.
5. Look Beyond the Words. When someone lashes you with negative words or sends you a nasty email or text, try to discern what motivated the person to say what they did. Some say things because of pride in an attempt to make themselves appear they’re better than you. On those occasions, just remember, insecurity causes many to put others down just so they can feel better about themselves. Therefore it has nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, sometimes we just happen to be in that person’s path at that moment in time.
6. Don’t Care too Much About What Others Say or Think. Let’s face it, who likes to be judged. That’s why almost everyone likes to be praised. Compliments can make us feel good, giving us a sense of accomplishment. On the other hand, any cold response or critical remark may crush our spirit. However, during our lifetime, we meet all sorts of people. It’s a given then that we are bound to cross paths with people who will hurt us. Nevertheless, there’s one basic tip (besides #5) to apply when someone says or does something hurtful and that’s to remember viewpoints based on false information or influenced by envy and prejudice are irrelevant.
7. Cheer Yourself Up. Tap into the power within and turn off the switch from negative noise. This is where mental strength comes in and this affirmation comes in handy: “No one has power over you, unless YOU give it to them.” I normally use a little aid in doing that by either turning on Netflix to watch one of my favorite aspirational movies, or put on one of my favorite playlists. But one thing that also works wonders is reading the Bible. That’s always an upbuilding experience, or doing something nice for someone else. As we know, there’s more happiness in giving than there is in receiving. I know I’m my happiest when I do something nice for someone else.